This month my son will reach a huge milestone. Kellen turns 18 on the 20th! It seems like I should be good at this by now. It’s happened three times in our family so far. Emme in 2019, Liam in 2021, Declan Quinn in 2023 and now it is Kellen’s turn. There is one major difference…He is the baby!
As September approached I examined my heart. I consider myself fairly stable. I trust God to direct my kids’ paths. How is a mama supposed to feel when her children, her “magnum opus” move out from under her care? Am I expected to face the new season with calm, steady trust? Or is it an expression of love to grieve the swiftly ending days?
When Kellen was born, my family had just begun our homeschool adventure. Emme was a kindergartener and Liam learned along with her. Declan Quinn free-ranged around the house during school time. Kellen came on the scene after an early start to our school year. He listened to books and instruction while he nursed in his very earliest days of life. Kellen was born into a learning environment.
Now, I wish him a good day as he hurries out the door to dual enrollment classes and work. I celebrate his successes and remind him, a bit, of new deadlines. Mostly, my “baby” looks towards his future with balance and strength. He doesn’t seem to need his mama nearly as much as he used to!
Sometimes sadness creeps into my heart as I remember the days when my kiddos needed my care. Then I remember how free I have become. I marvel at the wonderful, unique adults who once were my children. How did we get here?
This month, in honor of our milestone, I’ll share some posts about parenting young adults. For me, it is a new challenge of faith and endurance. I remember when Emme was born. I was terrified going into labor. I wished I could call the whole thing off! Of course, this eight pound baby needed to come forth. I needed to do my part. Similarly, we cannot stop our children from entering the world of adulthood! Let’s enter each new season of life with courage and faith.
I praise You, Lord, because my children are fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. (Psalm 139:14)
“She is clothed with dignity and strength; she can laugh about the days to come” (Proverbs 31:25, NIV).
For years, I felt like that lady in Proverbs 31 was not my friend. She had it all together. I didn’t! She seized every opportunity to bless her family. I floundered through my days with good intentions. I had a bumpy track record emotionally and organizationally. Hey, that’s life homeschooling four kids with strong personalities. It may not be pretty, but it does keep things interesting.
Now I stand at a crossroad. My youngest is ready to step out of the house on his own two feet. As a homeschool mom, I worked myself out of a job. What did I expect? That Proverbs 31 lady comes back to my mind. I realize she doesn’t look the way I imagined. Maybe she didn’t have it all together after all. Maybe her ducks were not lined up straight. She took what life offered and used it to bless her family.
Sometimes it’s hard for homeschool moms when our kids grow up and go out. Maybe that’s good. Maybe it requires us to shift our perspective in a fresh, new way. What have I learned that I can use now to honor God?
I chose to stay out of the larger classroom to teach my own kids. Now I have experience to offer other homeschool families. I am available.
I learned alongside my kiddos and discovered I love to write. Now I am learning to craft a book from start to finish. This project sprang out of homeschool teaching but now I have time to do the work. With God’s help, I will make something of value.
When I dedicated part of our homeschool day to our Bible learning, I discovered the rich treasure of God’s word in new ways. Though I may wait to see the seeds of faith grow in my children’s lives, God was working all along to help me
“Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the woman who takes refuge in Him” (Psalm 34:8, NIV).
Life moves along the timeline with new chapters unfolding. Maybe time with your kids taught you how to encourage another struggling mom. If it was stressful for you, share your support now. Maybe your parenting did teach you to be a Proverbs 31 woman who finds the bargains for her family. Ask God how to use these skills in new, resourceful ways. There may be a business, church or community that welcomes your talents.
It’s possible that the greatest lesson of parenting is to teach us to pray. Now we are available to pray for parents in the thick of the struggle. We can pray for our grown children to find God’s path for them. We can pray that those seeds we planted will be watered by others, receive the light of God’s love and yield a bountiful harvest.
This new season is no time to become passive. Seize the new days with a hopeful heart. Pray to the One who numbers our days. He will lead you forward to more joy and fulfillment than you imagine from your chair, watching that young adult rush out the door to embrace his new adventures.
“Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away” (Isaiah 35:10).
Another day, I’m feeling sad. My sons who are grown and flown lead busy lives. I understand!
I find out the boys are doing a great job keeping touch with their grandparents. Who wouldn’t be proud? Haven’t we taught them well? But I notice this little, unpleasant feeling inside my heart,
“Why him and not me? How did they find time for a phone visit when they barely read my texts?”
I shrug off that unbidden thought like a pesky fly which keeps landing on my plate. I have better things to focus on. They will call when they want to. It will mean more if I don’t compel them to reach out. I trust God to be present in their lives when I’m not.
My motto this season is, “Watch and pray!” I have set down the role of control. Now it is time to
“Live by faith and not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7).
Will the love I poured into those kids really grow into wonderful fruit? Do I trust the Gardener as much as I claim? If I believe that
“faith is the substance of things unseen and the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1, NKJV), parenting adults puts my faith to the test. Is my hope substantial enough to stand fast?
I want to see each of my kids, now adults,
“Like trees planted by streams of water, which yield fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. May their adventures prosper!” (Psalm 1:3, the Mama version).
When I was young, we went days, weeks without checking in with home. Now I am learning to trust that time will do its work. The beautiful story will unfold. Mistakes will be made, but they too will become needed embellishments in the tapestry I had the honor to hold for a little while. I recall a poem my own mama loved years ago when I was younger than my kids:
“…life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your
children as living arrows are sent
forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the
path of the infinite, and He bends
you with His might that His arrows
may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand
be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that
flies, so He loves also the bow that is
stable.”
(Kahil Gibran)
Even as I wrote this down, one of those sons pushed a simple heart onto a text message I sent the other day. Yes, they remember their mama. Time will show that our labors of love bore fruit. For now, I will learn my new lessons, even as they learn theirs. I will wait with anticipation.
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
But a longing fulfilled is a tree of life” (Proverbs 13:12).
Once I read those “Frog and Toad” stories to my kids and we chuckled over Toad who sang, read poetry and shouted to his freshly planted seeds. They grew when it was time. I hear my Father whisper to my heart,
“Soon your seeds will start to grow” (Arnold Lobel, The Garden).
I know they will!
